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Why Money Talks Go Wrong
Money isn't really about money. It's about security, freedom, values, and how you were raised. When you argue about spending, you're often arguing about something much deeper.
One partner might see saving as security while the other sees it as deprivation. Neither view is wrong, they just come from different experiences and fears. Understanding this helps you approach conversations with curiosity instead of judgment.
Setting Up the Conversation
Timing matters. Don't bring up money when you're stressed, tired, or in the middle of another conflict. Schedule a specific time to talk finances, maybe a monthly money date with coffee or dinner.
Come with data, not accusations. Saying "we spent $800 on restaurants last month" lands differently than "you're always wasting money eating out." Facts create conversation. Blame creates defense.
Finding Common Ground
Start with shared goals. Most couples agree on wanting financial security, even if they disagree on how to get there. Build from that foundation.
- Share your money histories and what shaped your beliefs
- Discuss your fears around money openly
- Set goals together, both short term and long term
- Agree on a system that works for both of you
Some couples share everything. Some keep separate accounts and split expenses. There's no right answer, only what works for your relationship.
Using Tools Together
Having a shared view of your finances removes a lot of conflict. When both partners can see the full picture in Spendify, there are fewer surprises and less blame. You're looking at the same numbers and making decisions together.
